If I am sitting, my brain definitely is not. What I'll pack for lunch (2 days from now), the mental list of things I need to do before school, picking up the birthday card for my cousin whose birthday is 10 days away, responding to email...these are all thoughts running through my head.
Only Kat sent me an email today wondering what I was doing this weekend because it was her first free weekend and she was already not 'knowing what to with myself.' Whoooo...sigh...it makes me feel good that I'm not the only one.
When faced with 'free' time in the since that I don't have a commitment to other people, I fail to make a commitment to myself. Rather than reading or knitting, I bake brownies for others knowing full well I'll lick the bowl and eat one. Rather than embracing the tv, I blog stalk while frequently responding to emails. Rather than savoring the quiet of not having 22 third graders running around, I have some auditory stimulation.
While I was walking into Chik-fil-a to meet some Young Life girls, I heard, "Anniiiiii." It was a friend who's head of a big department at the hospital. I tracked her 10-day vacation in Yellowstone over facebook the past week. We had the deepest conversation there in the parking lot about the importance of giving to yourself, yet we both confessed with stink at it at times because so many people are dependent on us or what we do. I love her.
I remember absolutely adoring the Blizzard last year. Why? Because, I was stuck (literally) in my house...all work was done...and I took time to read, knit, bake, watch tv, clean, etc.
I need to learn to soothe myself. I need to learn to embrace 'free' time. My 'free' time is so rare that when I get it I wig out. I need to recognize that it's not being lazy or lame; rather, it's making a commitment to embrace myself and the new interests I may have.
Just as I plan for the gym...I need to plan for my free time.
Moral of the Story: Easier said (or typed) than done.
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