Old Faithful

My name is Anne. I am single.

I've vascilated between thinking is truly happening, laughter, annoyance, frustration, assurance, and faith.

Basically, the week has been spent feeling as though I'm at a SA (singles anonymous) meeting.

In the past, I have been able to gracefully grapple this situation. I spent high school knowing that everything was young love. I spent college determined to live it up and to embrace every opportunity that came forth. Now, I've graduated. Now, what?

Since the new school year began, I've dated/met/whatever-you-call-it some guys...these have not turned out well (obviously from the SA branding). Yet, I can say they turned out well because I was able to say no to drugs, no to cheating, etc. Is this truly real? O, yes it is.

So, back to this week...

Saturday: The family found it their time to offer advice on my love life. Grams: "I never had this problem. They flocked to me." Me: "Who said it was a problem?"

Monday: Relay For Life meeting. While discussing life-saving, important information (aka~ how to beat cancer) in a professional setting, I had two team captains ask had I 'found' a guy yet?

Tuesday: Field Hockey Banquet: I wore my boots. Fellow colleague: I love that you are so confident to wear heels and are now a foot taller than all of us. I don't know if a guy would like it.

This AM: I was running. 2 ladies who I take classes with at 6 AM decided to walk on each side of me. As I huffed and puffed for 40 mins, while they discussed my love life. First question: "How are you going to get a husband in Culpeper?" Yes, this was at 5:45 AM. Finally, I asked how old do you think I am. Her response...drumroll..29. She almost fell off her treadmill when I said I'm actually 23. The next 3o minutes were spent as life was discussed along prospective love life scenarios for me. Good news: I will say it was the fasted 40 minutes on the treadmill ever.

Now, I 100% know that no one meant anything malign through these comments. I absolutely cherish these people. Now, the situation that I do not 100% cherish.

I'm thinking I'll add to my Christmas list a personalized t-shirt that says "Yes, I am single."

While I have no clue why I am single, I do hold these truths to be self-evident...

• I am 23.
• I would rather be single than with the wrong man.
• I refuse to settle.
• I will continue to go after life by stepping outside my comfort zone.
• I have some of the best girl friends in the world. As in, one offered to drive to Culpeper and take me out to dinner.
• This can change at any time...tomorrow, 10 months, or 10 years.
• I have some amazing, older, wiser colleagues who love to defend and support me.
• Non-negotiables: must be taller, non-smoker, and have the ability to hold a beer in one hand and a Bible in the other.
• Finally, God knows.

The final truth, 'God knows' is not easy. Ellen and I had a beautiful conversation about this. Part of faith is keeping it real. Part of faith is questioning. That is the only way to grow in faith. I always tell my YoungLife girls that choosing the path of following Christ will be the most freeing experience but it will not always be the easiest experience. Now, I must live my words. While I am free in the love of Christ, I would not say the past week of my life could be described as 'fun' in the domain of my relationship status.

And, it is at this exact intersection of emotions, exchange of words with random people, dialogues with friends, life experiences, answering/defending/explaining of questions, analysis, thoughts of uncertainty and wonder that I am abruptly stopped...I become still...and it hits me...

This isn't about what I can do...this is about..."ALL THE FITNESS HE REQUIRES IS YOUR NEED FOR HIM."

To be honest, that's hard. But, at the same time internally I know it is one of the few truths of life.

I look forward to who will ask my whether I am single tomorrow (ok, slight fib)...

Moral of the Story: Every season in life has a beauty and wonder of its own. I pray that I enjoy this time despite the misconceptions of the world. I pray that I may remain firm in my demand and not settle anything less than the will of God. I pray to remain faithful in a faithful God while pursuing my need for his divine love.